Chapter 41 Recovery

A week passes and still Lauren hasn’t remembered.  She is feeling so much better physically though, so that is a blessing.  She doesn’t talk much about the time she can’t remember, but I see her sitting and starring off into space and I know she is trying to figure it out.

Rob and I agree that we need to help her remember. We will show her Lance.  I sit down next to her on the couch and begin, ” Lauren, you know there have been things that happened that you can’t remember.  We want to help you remember some of those things.  Some things were terrible, but something beautiful came from it too.  Do you want us to help you?” “Yes, Mom. I want to know what it was even though it may be hard. I need to know and I can’t move on until I know the truth.”, she says bravely.  I’m so nervous as I get up. I tell her to stay there and I’ll be right back.  Rob scoots over to sit next to her.  I walk upstairs to get Lance.

I wrap him in a blue blanket and walk back into the living room.  Lauren stares at the blanket, her face completely blank.  I walk to her and show her the baby. “What is that?”, she asks worriedly. “This is your baby, Lauren. You had a baby. He’s a beautiful, healthy boy”, I say quietly. I’m afraid she will not be able to handle this information now that we’ve thrown it at her. “No, that can’t be right. I would remember that, how?  Who….? “, she cries.  She breaks down and cries into her hands for a few minutes.

I let her cry and Rob puts his arm around her.  She looks up with tears in her eyes, “I have to get out of here for a little bit. I need to think.” She says.  We let her go, she walks toward the front door and glances back at the baby then turns and runs out the door.  I hug Lance close to me, “Maybe we made a mistake, Rob.”  I say.  “No, she needed to know the truth, she will be ok.”  Even though he says that, he still walks out the front door and tries to follow her.  He is thinking more of her safety and not wanting Moe to find her.  He doesn’t have to go far, she hasn’t the strength to go farther than the backyard.  She sits on the bench and just cries.  Rob gives her some space and just watches her from the porch.

Lauren sits out there for a few hours, she finally combs back into the house and asks to see the baby.  I stand up and hand him to her. “It’s a boy?”, she asks. “I don’t remember having him. How did he get here? I think I would rememeber being in labor.”  She says. “You were  unconscious. The doctor thought it was safer to go ahead and take the baby by c-section”, I explain. She  looks at the baby.  “I had a dream that I had a baby, but it was a girl.  I loved her so much in my dream. I can’t remember the father’s name, but I can see his face.  We were living in a small studio apartment, we seemed happy.  Playing games and watching movies.  Was that a dream?  Was it real?  Who is the father?”, she asks.

“I think you need to try to remember that part on your own. I’m not sure if you were dreaming or remembering something real that happened. I wasn’t here while you were pregnant. I came home that last day, at the party before you, um,  passed out”, I explain.  “I remember something about a party… I was so excited about something, the baby coming… seeing you again, and something else.  I need to lay down, will you take him. I need to think”  Lauren runs out of the room and locks her bedroom door.  I can hear her crying behind the closed door.

The next few days pass tensely. Lauren tries to act like the baby doesn’t exist. She refuses to hold him or even look at him. If he cries, she gets up and goes in the next room or back to her room. We have tried to encourage her to hold Lance, but she won’t have anything to do with him.  I don’t want to push her, so we keep doing everything for Lance.

Rob is going to visit with the boys at school today.  He wakes up early to get an early start on the drive. I try to fall back to sleep after he leaves, but I can’t sleep. I get up and head outside, sometimes I feel like I’m going stir crazy in the house. Everyone is still sleeping so  I walk around the yard and water some flowers, just to pass the time.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see something off around the corner of the house. I slowly walk to the back and peer around the corner.

I see Moe, he is running off to the woods behind our house.  He must have left something on the porch again. Without thinking, I start running after him. I grab my cell phone from my pocket and dial Rob. “I’ve seen Moe in the yard this morning! I’m following him, he’s running into the woods behind the house!” I say quickly into the phone. Of course, Rob freaks, “Stop right now and get back to the house. Call the police. Let them look for him!”  “No, Rob! They won’t find him. They haven’t had any luck from day 1. I’m being careful, he doesn’t know I’m back here. I just want to see where he is going. I’ll call you later, bye!” I hang up quickly and turn the phone off. I put it back in my pocket and keep running.

He’s disappeared into the heavy trees, I hope I don’t loose him. I slip into the darkness of the wood and look around.  I can’t see him anymore. I lean against a tree to catch my breath. I need to start excersing again, I’m getting out of shape, I think to my self.  It’s so quiet here. I look around again and begin to head back to the house, I’ve run at least a mile.  Suddenly, I hear a snap of a tree branch behind me.  I whip around to see what made the noise. My stomach drops when I come face to face with what it was.

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