Chapter 58 Summer and John
Matthew has a birthday and John comes over to help celebrate. My little baby is a toddler and growing like a weed. He looks so much like his father, but he inherited my eyes and my hair color. He is a sweet boy and I love spending time with him.
I’m working on teaching him to talk and walking. Potty training isn’t going so well but, one thing at a time.
I’m also doing really well at work and have received several promotions. The pay and the hours are getting better.
I’ve been feeling guilty about Moe. I still have the letter he wrote to me in my dresser. I feel like I should at least write him back and let him know he has a son and that he is now a toddler. My brain tells me that I don’t owe him anything after everything he has done, but then my heart tells me that he deserves to know. After much deliberation, I sit down and write him a letter. I include a recent picture of Matthew.
I was very surprised to receive a letter from you. I thought long and hard before responding, but finally felt that you deserved to know that your son was born and is a beautiful toddler now. He is the light of my life and for that I thank you. I’m not sure how you found my address, but hope that you will not contact me again. I’m trying to move on and forget about you, it will be much easier if you didn’t write again.
I don’t tell anyone that I wrote to Moe, I know what everyone will say anyway. So, I mail the letter and try to forget. John and I are still seeing each other occasionally. I’m not sure where this is going, if anywhere, but he is fun to hang out with and he’s good to Matthew.
John is very mysterious though, he has disappeared several times and not called for a day or two at a time. It has happened on a regular basis, like every month or so. He will have to be out-of-town and can’t be reached by phone. I’m starting to think maybe he has another relationship or something.
My nerves are on edge, Matthew has been so fussy today. Even the swing won’t calm him down. I rock him in the new rocking chair that I bought shortly after moving in, it has been a life saver. I can always count on the rocking chair to put Matthew to sleep. Finally the little bugger goes to sleep. I place him in the crib.
I’ve been feeling very sick the last couple days. I’m pretty sure that I’m pregnant, unfortunately I haven’t been able to get a hold of John to talk to him about it. Honestly, this is the last thing I need now. Every thing has fallen into place recently, my job, this house, meeting John. I hate to say it, but a baby right now is going to mess everything up. I’ve called Robin and asked her stay with Matthew while I run to the hospital for a checkup. I hear her pull up and open the door. “Girl, you look like crap! What’s wrong with you?”, she asks. I break down and start crying, “I think I’m pregnant!”, I say. “Oh man! What does John have to say about it? Have you talked to him yet?”, she asks.
“No, he won’t answer his phone again. I’ve called him for 2 days straight. “, I explain. Robin and I have become really close and I’ve told her about my concerns with John already. “Oh, I’m sorry, Hun. Just wait till I see that jerk. He has some explaining to do when he shows up. He can’t just take off and not tell you what’s going on. I mean, really. Ya’ll have been seeing each other for how long now? Like 6 months or more.”, she says.
Once Robin gets started she keeps on ranting about John, she hasn’t really liked him from the beginning. She pulls me into a hug and I feel better. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, Matthew is asleep now, but he’s been in a terrible mood all day. Hopefully he will stay asleep until I get back.”, I tell her. “It’s fine, I can handle one little baby. No worries!”, she laughs. So, I head to the hospital for a checkup. It doesn’t take the doctor long to give me the results of the test.
I walk back in the house and see Robin playing with Matthew, he seems to be in a better mood at least. She can tell by the look on my face what the results were. She stands up and hugs me, “Why don’t you go take a hot bath and relax for a while. I’ll watch the baby until you feel better.”, she tells me.
I nod my head and walk into the bathroom. I run the water as hot as I can and climb in, I lay back and try to tell myself that things will be fine. Finally, I pull myself out of the tub and slip on clean clothes. I’m feeling much better. Robin has put Matthew back to bed, so she and I sit up and talk for a while before she leaves.
I hear a knock at the front door. I run into the living room and see John standing in the doorway. He looks rough and worn out. His clothes are all torn and he is filthy dirty. I walk towards him, “Are you ok? I missed you. Where have you been?”, I ask.
I’ve never seen him like this before. He walks to me and hugs me close, “I missed you so much. I’m sorry, I had to leave.”, he says.
He is almost falling asleep on his feet, I lead him to the bedroom and help him onto the bed. He falls asleep instantly, I guess my news will have to wait until in the morning. I lay down next to him and just look at his face. He’s dirty and exhausted, but still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. He looks so peaceful asleep like this. I stroke his hair with my fingers and he makes a low groan of pleasure. I kiss his forehead and lay down next to him. He pulls me close and we sleep like that with all our clothes on.
I wake up in the morning and John is up and making breakfast. Matthew is up and playing in the living room .
I stumble into the dining room and sit down at the table. He looks much better today, cleaner and more rested. John brings me a plate full of pancakes. It looks delicious, but the smell is too much for me. I run to the bathroom and throw up.
John runs after me, full of concern. “Baby, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”, he asks. I stand up and smile, “Yes, I’m fine. You might want to sit down though. You’re going to be a daddy. “, I say. All the color drains from his face and he looks upset. “A baby, are you sure?”, he asks.
“Yes, I went to the doctor right yesterday, I’ve been feeling sick the past several days.”, I explain. “I thought you would be happy. You are so good with Matthew.”, I said. He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair. “I can’t do this now. There’s no way we can have a baby!”, he says.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing, “What do you mean, “You can’t do this?”, It’s done John! I’ve been to the doctor and we are having a baby. I can’t believe you would say that to me!”, I yell at him.
He runs his hands through his hair, “Summer, I’m sorry. It’s really complicated, I can’t explain it.”, he says. “Does this have anything to do with the fact that you disappear for days? Do you have another girlfriend somewhere? Or maybe your already married? Tell me the truth, John. I deserve to know!”, I cry.
“I can’t… I’m sorry!”, he says as he walks out the door. I follow him and yell, “John! You can’t run from this. I can’t do this on my own, Please!”, I cry. John doesn’t turn around, he simply gets in his car and drives away. I stand there stunned, tears running down my face. “What do I do now?”